By Jennifer Engler

I was born with a birth defect called spina bifida, which is a Latin term that means "open spine." Without going into clinical details, let me just say that, as a result, my leg muscles are weaker than normal, and I have no feeling in my feet. Because of that, I had to learn to walk with crutches at a very young age, right around the time most other children learn to take their first steps. Despite my limitations and challenges, I grew up as a very active and happy, little girl.

However, as I neared adolescence, I grew bitter, fully recognizing that I was "different" from other children in the public school, which I attended. I began to blame my mother for my disability, telling her that she should have never let me be born. I thought that life was unfair and that I got the "raw end of the deal" or the "short end of the stick" so-to-speak.
Fortunately, though, my life began to change when my mother was led to a Christian church through a new acquaintance. They preached straight from the Bible, and had a type of happiness that I recalled having only when I was a very little girl. Shortly after we began attending this church, my mother accepted Jesus as her Savior, and began to immerse our family in Bible Studies, church activities, Vacation Bible School, and weekly sermons. Since she knew I had been an avid reader, during this time, my mother had also begun shopping at Hackman's Bible Bookstore and bought me books about Christian teenagers, which she thought I might enjoy.

When I was 13, through my mother's testimony and in reading those teenage, Christian books, I accepted the Lord. It was only then that I came to terms with my disability and began to accept it as a gift from God. It was not always easy to think that God had a good reason for me to live with special challenges, and that perhaps he was actually using it to prepare me for greater things, but I had a peace that I didn't have before, and in that peace, God gave me hope, a purpose, and future...for in Jeremiah 29:11, I read, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." From that point on, rather than trying to blame my mother for my disability or to be angry at God for allowing it, I chose to live with it and make the most of my life, trusting that one day I might finally understand why God allowed me to be born with spina bifida. That being said, you might ask, "How does all of this tie in to my missions trip to Hungary?" Believe me, it all ties together perfectly, only because of God's leading and direction in my life. After all, His ways are perfect!

Let me continue... I decided to use my disability and experiences from that to help me help others. For starters, I began volunteering at Good Shepherd, a residential home and hospital for those with physical disabilities. I encouraged others facing physical challenges to move forward in life and to the most of what they have, rather than to focus on what they DON'T have. Not only were my words an encouragement to them, but so was my living example.

Over the ten years that I volunteered at Good Shepherd, the people at Good Shepherd saw me get my driver's license (age 16) learning to drive a car with hand controls, graduate from a public high school with honors, and then went on to pursue a degree in Occupational Therapy, while working part-time. After ten years of volunteering at Good Shepherd, my life went in several other directions, some of which led to disappointments and pain, and my eventual fall from a close relationship with the Lord.

Thankfully, though, God wasn't finished with me, and used some hurtful experiences in my life to teach me valuable lessons and drawing me once again, closer to Him. After various other full-time jobs, I was finally hired full-time by Good Shepherd in 1992.

Fast-forwarding to the mid-90's- in getting back on track with God and in healing from various hurts, I began to journal my thoughts and feelings in the form of an online website. It initially began as just that - a little journal where I could express myself. However, the more I wrote, and the more God spoke to me, I realized that what I was writing and feeling could perhaps be shared with others to help them through even more challenges in life. These are not just physical challenges, but also healing from the loss of a loved one - either through death or broken relationships, surviving happily as a single Christian, and general inspiration.

So, what initially began as a little journal, blossomed into a big website called "Expressions from the Heart," a website that has been visited by well over 16,000 people not only from the United States, but from around the world. It really excited me that I could touch people all over the world without ever leaving my living room. So for several years, my website has been my ministry and my way of sharing the Lord with others. See http://www.enter.net/~forester to visit the site.

Then, almost two years ago, I switched churches, and found myself at Faith Church. There, as I made friends and became more and more involved with various church activities, I realized that my "ministry" and personal growth as a Christian, were lacking in at least one major area - overseas missions. I realized that, although my website touches thousands around the world, I was missing the personal experience of submersing myself into different cultures, was too content in my own personal "comfort zone" and that my testimony might next be needed in far away lands. Thus began my casual but growing interest in missions. When I heard about the missions trip to Hungary, I just knew that it was the one that God wanted me to go on. Everything fit together perfectly. To begin with, my grandparents were born and raised in Hungary, so that country has always held a special place in my heart. Secondly, when I heard this trip involved teaching English to small children at a Bible Camp, there was no way that I could pass it by. It was as if God had been preparing this experience for me all along, and He had been preparing me to be ready when the trip would become available. I absolutely ADORE babies and little children and have easily been able to develop a good rapport with them. Additionally, I had always excelled academically in the area of English, not to mention the fact that I've been speaking the language for 34 years! Who better to be a servant of the Lord in Hungary! Although I knew this trip would cost me money that I really didn't have, and that spending 11 days in Hungary also meant taking time off from work, as well as precious time spent away from loved ones, everything kept falling into place, and I just trusted that the Lord would provide for all of my needs. He has...and then some! More than half the costs of the missions trip were paid for by family, friends, and unsaved co-workers...a huge blessing in itself! Then, just when I was about ready to begin packing my suitcase for Hungary, my car unexpectedly broke down and I had to put the $200.00 that I had set aside for spending money in Hungary towards repairs on my car. Less than a week later, I received 2 crisp $100.00 bills in the mail from an old friend in St. Louis, who wanted to do something special for me. Again, God provided! In any case, I was already reaping many blessings from this missions trip before I even landed in Hungary, including re-establishing a closer relationship with my 95 year-old Hungarian grandmother. I did make it to Hungary, though, safe and sound, and there began my 11 days of a blessed experience serving the Lord.

While I've always been the kind of person that prefers to blend in to the woodwork, or who can easily get lost in a crowd without calling any attention to myself, I've come to acknowledge that God chose me to be born with a disability so that I might use it to serve Him, and to draw others closer to Him through my testimony. So, with that, I realized that on this trip to Hungary, I might actually have to step out of my comfort zone and stand out in the crowd and allow my disability to be used as a witnessing tool. When you think about it, it really DOES put me in a unique position, doesn't it?! Who would have ever guessed, at any point in my life, that God would send me more than 4,000 miles overseas to have an impact on the lives of others, many of whom I felt were actually much LESS fortunate than me?! What a lesson in humility, patience, thankfulness, and in trusting God's will and plan for our lives.

In Hungary, God's blessings continued. Though I was in a country where I spoke no more than about 20 words of Hungarian, I began to form what I hope to be lasting friendships with various missions team mates, but also with several natives of Hungary, and then spent a most delightfully challenging and rewarding time teaching English not only to the 11 ten-year-old students that Mark Fox and I were assigned to teach, but also taught and bonded with the twelve little 8-year-old girls whom I slept with in the barracks.

While the ten-year olds appeared to be on the verge of adolescence and were sometimes more challenging than I had anticipated, the 8 year-old little girls with their lovely angelic faces, eagerly joined me on my bed each day as I taught them English using many of the materials I had brought along with me from the States. Ironically, those materials I had planned on using with my actual English class, but the class ended up being a lot more advanced than what I had prepared for. God apparently knew, though, that there would be 12 special little 8 year-old girls who would benefit from those teaching materials. Although very few of them spoke English, and I spoke practically no Hungarian, there really were NO language barriers. I quickly learned that when communicating friendship, acceptance and love, no words were needed. Smiles, hugs and kisses, and simple involvement in a child's activity, was all that was needed. I also learned that although I might have been admired by many, I inspired even more. I learned that if God chooses for me to not bear my own children (let's face it, I'm 34 already and not getting any younger), that He can still provide children for me to care for, nurture, and love. I learned what it meant to be part of a team, and reaped many blessings from the teamwork experience. I learned more patience and acceptance, and ventured out of my comfort zone, relying fully on God. In venturing from my comfort zone, I was able to experience one of the most wonderful and truly awesome times of my life.

In some ways, I feel guilty for having acquired so much from this missions trip. After all, we set out to affect the lives of others in a positive way, to teach English as a second language, and to be a blessing to others. While we may have done all of those things, I feel that I gained far more from the experience than I ever thought was possible...and perhaps even far more than what I actually gave.

Let me wrap this up by saying that when I first began attending that little Christian church years and years ago, the first Bible verse that I had to memorize was, "Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So, when you're faced with a difficult situation, a challenge, or even something like a missions trip that you never thought you'd have the strength, endurance or courage to go on, just remember that verse, because we CAN do all things through Him who strengthens us, and I'm living proof of that.
~Jennifer Engler, Copyright 12/01

Expressions from the Heart - Jenn's Personal Homepage http://www.enter.net/~forester
Jenn's Online Photo Portfolio http://www.enter.net/~forester/portfolio.html
 

Editors Note: Reach Out would like to thank Jennifer Engler for this truly inspirational story. We hope you all also check out her website